Standing at the Edge by Joan Halifax

Author:Joan Halifax
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Flatiron Books

II. FALLING OVER THE EDGE OF RESPECT: DISRESPECT

DURING MY FIRST VISIT TO Tibet in 1987, I witnessed Chinese soldiers bullying Tibetans who were doing roadwork in the far west of the country. The soldiers were mocking the workers, insulting them, ridiculing them. I couldn’t help but feel anger, as well as fear. After a few minutes, my heart tightened even more as an elderly man who was hauling rocks turned a kind smile toward his tormentor. I thought, How can he do that? Where is his outrage? Is he not humiliated? Does he not feel victimized?

Later, I realized that in all likelihood, this old Tibetan roadworker had seen the truth of his tormentor’s suffering, the truth of his shame, and was responding with compassion. It was a strong lesson for me, and a reminder that respect can take many forms, including as an expression of deep wisdom.

This old man seemed to have a view of non-separation that most in our culture do not. We tend to see self and other as not connected. We too easily objectify the other as persecutor or victim, objectify ourselves as a victim, or let others objectify us as a victim, persecutor, or rescuer. This attitude of separation was probably at the root of the Chinese worker’s bullying behavior, and it forms the foundation of what I see as our current global deficit of respect.

We kill insects and eat animal meat without thinking. We mindlessly regard the homeless person with disgust and disdain. We share a meal with our partner, our attention co-opted by our digital device. We speak sharply to the child crying out for attention in the classroom as the recess bell rings. In the face of our work demands, we rudely push aside the complaint of the employee or constituent. And we can so easily disparage and bully others who are different from ourselves.

Sometimes there might seem like there are justifiable reasons for our disrespect. When our values conflict with those of another, when we disagree with their decisions, or we are offended by their words or actions, we may lose respect for them. When others are aggressive or threatening in their interactions, our respect can be undermined. If someone disrespects us, it’s hard not to respond in kind. And though disrespect can take many different forms, it is never justifiable.

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